WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Slog solves mystery of lost human tribe
For some considerable time, twenty-first century anthropologists have been baffled by the sudden disappearance almost forty years ago of The Sapiens, a tribe that first appeared in Africa some two hundred and eighty thousand years before the birth of Christ.
"There were billions of them," confirmed noted sociologist and philosopher Brino Ladouce, "and then suddenly, they disappeared. I'm sure they must be around here somewhere. Perhaps I mislaid them somehow. I've searched everywhere from cellar to attic via the guest bathroom, but they're nowhere to be seen".
"I haven't seen one since Princess Diana died," affirmed Nobel prizewinning author and teacher Lizard O'Mar, "I suspect many Sapiens who witnessed the funereal, emotionally incontinent flower-throwing marathon from Buckingham Palace to Trafalgar Square became anxious about the sanity of their fellow-citizens, and departed England to seek relief in various Tibetan Buddhist monasteries".
German mathematical Wunderkind Hürgen Flabbergast, winner of the coveted Kyoto Prize in Martial Arts and Geisha Philosophy, has a different take. He told Slog reporter Roger Geheime Lewiswede, "We must tie together developmental psychology, sociology, political theory and linguistics to create a unified understanding of why people with an ounce of common-sense wisdom run away at the speed of Light from dupes, bimbos, dingbats and fucktards with Wuhan bats in their belfries". His suspicion is that most of The Sapiens sought asylum varietally in mental care homes and underground ICBM silos.
But now at last, the obscure but very naughty Johnny Slog has been able to put The Sapiens' demise down to the arrival of an unexpected predator soon after the first commercially available mobile phone, the Motorola DynaTAC 8000x, was launched onto an unsuspecting world in 1983.
This regrettable calamity spawned (by some form of as yet little understood genetic transubstantiation) the rise of brainless Yuppies on Wall Street, La Defense and the London Square Mile stomping to and from work while bellowing "Hold/Buy/Sell" into a giant handheld plastic brick. The new tribe's gene code spread rapidly into the advertising glitterati centred around Madison Avenue, the The Champs-Élysées and Charlotte Street.
These early examples of narcissistic poseur disorder (NPD) rapidly became the butt of endless ridicule among the dominant Sapiens tribe, triggering a predatory reaction from the interlopers who - as the size of mobile phones shrank - morphed into what we now know as The Smartphoneys.
The Smartphoney Tribe quickly revealed its addictive tendency to make The Sapien's life a misery of data collection, incessant selling, envy, money obsession and impenetrable gadget navigation as their dominant Money-Greed-Power gene became obvious.
The tragedy we see today is that of an entire generation of The Sapiens pestered on a daily basis by bankers, corporocrats, billionaires, Big Pharmers, spooks, self-appointed control freaks, ISPs and weaponisers peddling a deadly brew of AI, fear, propaganda, lousy service and 24/7 demands to comply with The New Normal.
Hence the summary of lost liberty and sanity summed up in this Slogarithm:
"We're disappearing," claims Naughty Johnny Slog, "because our baby-boomer generation are now all octogenarians, or already dead - exhausted by being pushed around, but still just about able to remember how much more questioning and socially mobile life was before the curse of Silicon Valley digital surveillance and distraction made life unbearable for all but the Smartphoney compliance shock-troops and their monopolist controllers. Of course, for most of us the first signs of senility are apparent already, so the gaga years beckon. They will be, my fellow resisters and brothers, a blessed relief from Satanic bullshit".
WHO warning re today's post: it should be taken regularly, but not too seriously....
